bitterdiva

Locust are to corn fields

... as children are to candy.

...and another thing, people who have children are given a get out of jail free card when it comes to work. "I am going to have to take a sick day, little Johnny is ill," "I'm not coming in today little Susie has a snow day and I need to stay home with her and bake cookies and build snowpeople."

Us children-less folks don't get any tax breaks or thanks for not being a drain on the economy but we can't call in sick when we're at 100% because we lack biological warfare factories. Speaking of biological warfare factories, children are the bearers of illness: colds, flu, chicken pox. Their dirty little fingers are in their noses, their mouths, and on the refrigerator handle in the office cafe using their parents as vectors.

We aren't rewarded with babyshowers, or useless toyful birthdays, or fawning newly made grandParents. There's no equivalent of a Mother's/Father's day for us; no Congratulations, you're helping to make the world a better place. We get to shell out money for our friends' children and listen to the questions of, "so when are we going to have a new addition in our family?" from relatives.

Coworkers in my office have their children bring in their children and it's a 30 minute siren of continuous screaming, of feet stomping, of candy-seeking missiles running through the rat maze. I think when sugar is harvested from the cane plants, it's brought into a factory where super secret special scientists manipulate the molecular compound to induce hyperactivity in children within five minutes of ingestion.

There's a moratorium of bringing pets within a facility because people are allergic to them, well I'm allergic to children. Their annoying habit of walking in my cubicle and asking me questions or staring at me is similar to parmasean cheese on a grater. I think there's a time and place for children; if they're students of the organization, and are in the office singing Christmas Carols for us crotchety peons that's one thing. But to have your grandchildren come in for a visit and parade them around, flaunting them to everyone else, that's just wrong (and annoying).

07:16 PM

Comments

Posted by: kittycreation at March 4, 2004 09:04 AM

Post a comment