bitterdiva

Dance like a Zombie

In the morning at 6:10, when my alarm starts going off, I do the dance of the zombie. Wake up, walk across the room, hit snooze, walk back to bed and pass out for another 9 minutes before repeating the dance. People say insanity is performing the same action over and over expecting different results. Those who participate in the Zombie Alarm Dance must truly be insane, which means that the majority of the working/schooling American population is also insane.

I wonder if President Bush does the Zombie Alarm Dance, or if he has secret service agents bust into his bedchambers and hop on his bed until he agrees to get up and not hit the panic button, which resides next to 'Nuke Earth' button.

Bloody breeders. In the past several weeks, I’ve heard nothing but baby news. This person is pregnant, that baby is due, this one gave birth, that one did, and so on. I am extremely frightened by the increase in child production surrounding me. I don’t have child envy, not at all; in fact I think people should be congratulating me for doing my part in saving the world. Childbirth is a privilege not a right folks. Just because you and your partner can hump like wild rabbits, doesn’t mean you can breed like them too.

One of the biggest problems I have with people my age breeding is that 9 times out of 10 they lack the financial means of raising a child without being a burden on public funding. People then become slaves to the welfare system, standing in the Price Chopper checkout line with the WIC checks taking four times as long as a normal checkout because an assistant has to go over to the locked baby formula display and carry several Chernobyl sized cans of formula back to the register and sign out each check.

The other issue I have with breeding is that people lack the emotional capacity of dealing with a completely dependent life. This isn’t some pet that can poop on it’s own, clean itself, and feed itself without waking you up at 3 in the morning. This child is going to be a permanent fixture in your life; for the next 18 years it is going to suck the life and finances out of you. Upon birth, the parent’s life is magically transformed from being able to smoke a blunt at noon on a Saturday to not being able to see the encore showing of LOTR trilogy.

The current trend of breeding is this: marriage (primarily among people who haven’t known their partner for at least two years) and within the first year start popping out children like Pez dispensers. At least with Pez, you can eat the candy, here: you can’t eat the babies – unless you’re barbarians and that fad went out in the middle ages along with the fall of the Roman Empire.

10:04 AM

Comments

Posted by: texasyankee at March 1, 2004 11:35 AM

Posted by: zazen at March 1, 2004 08:29 PM

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