bitterdiva

Sucking air breathlessly

I think today has been the worse day of the week thus far. Last night I fell asleep around one in the morning, with nerves getting to the best of me. Trying to take a reprieve from my mind and all my problems I buried myself in my book for about an hour.

This morning my fears are getting to the best of me. My chest is heavy and my breathing is rather difficult. I fear a panic attack is almost imminent. They are the scariest thing a person can experience. Not even the anxiety I felt for my organic chemistry could measure up to what I am feeling now. It's almost as if I feel my mind slowly fading into a state that can't take in any information. Even my Yoda Pez dispenser isn't bringing me comfort it's only exagerating the problem with his green head on the brown pez body - it reminds me of the scene in Lord of the Flies when the pigs head is impaled on the stick.

I have all my little buddies on my computer and monitor, a stuffed kitty, borg cube, manta ray, Prof Snape action figure, Yoda Pez dispenser, The Tick, Arthur, and Woody. They all seem to be looking and laughing at me no longer protecting me from the daemons of my computer.

All I ask is for people to be nice to me today, to leave me alone, and allow me to finish the 4 or 5 projects lying on my desk. I'm assuming that all my fears are because of my visit to the Endodontist tomorrow. It's still only a day away and if I manage to actually get myself there without breaking down, it'll be an accomplishment that'll only make me feel better.

Don't worry, although thoughts of self mutilation and death have crossed my mind, I've realised that someone needs me more than I need not to be here. For him, I'm thankful. He's the best companion any human can have except for his overall dependence and neediness on me but I guess that is what makes him so lovable. Senor Poopoos, Thanks.

09:03 AM

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